This IS internet dating.

“So I met this girl a while back, We started with the basic message back and forth and then moved to the IM after a few days. About a week in, she was pushing for phone conversation. After a few days of talking on the phone, I get home from work and she insists we hang out. I figured it was all cool. We seemed to get along alright.

I head out for the approx 30 minute drive to the other side of Pittsburgh. Along the way I request some refined directions. During this time she begins asking for my phone number to give to her mother to be sure she’s safe. Not a big deal to me. Whatever to make a parent feel safer (she was 22 by the way).  She then decides it’s better I just meet her mother. A little much but hey, I’m good with parents. It shouldn’t be so bad, right? Right. I finally make it to her house and the first thing I notice, those pictures are not accurate. They’re her, but they’re not accurate. But whatever, I’m not entirely shallow. I pull up the driveway, get out of my car, and this ditz runs up, bear hugs me and attempts to plant the biggest, sloppiest wet kiss I’ve ever seen someone try to give.

Naturally, I pull away. I just met this girl and have no idea where those lips have been. We head inside and I meet the mom. Seems rather nice. I sit down on the couch and the girl is going absolutely crazy. On and on about how sweet I am, this that and the other. Then, she get’s a load of the tattoo I have on my right leg and flips out like a 2 year old on acid. She literally drops to the floor, puts my leg in her lap and begins caressing it, going on about how much her and her mom like tattoo’s and all the ideas she has for it, all the while caressing my leg like Golem did the Ring. I’m rather bothered at this point. She get’s up, sits down practically on top of me and again, tries to plant this sloppy ass kiss on me, this time in front of mom. And again, I pull away.

After that she bolts upstairs to grab a few items while I sit idle and chat with the mother. Then what should happen next? Miss tattoo comes down with a gym bag fool of clothes and toiletries for a sleep over. As if I wasn’t freaked out enough already, she’s expecting to stay over at my house. Now I’m at the point of, “No go. Abort! Abort!” After rearranging some of the clothes in her bag, she insists I follow her upstairs to help her get a few more items. Being the nice guy that I am, I reluctantly oblige. I trail her up the steps, a few paces behind. She rounds the corner to her room, myself following. I turn the corner, and she’s dropping trow. Full on undressing right then and there. I hesitate and begin backing out, and she turns around and holds this attempt at a sexy pose and says, “no need to be shy! hehe!” I respond by saying “sweety, it’s not about being shy. It’s about respect and dignity. I literally just met you 15 minutes ago. Please, put some pants on.”

Then she drops a bomb. She agrees to ut her clothes back on if I shut the door so I don’t wake her baby. That’s right, she completely omitted the fact that she had a child.  I walk into the room, closing the door behind me. She again drops to the floor in the same manor as before. She attempts to put on some pants located in a gnarly pile of clothes in the middle of the floor but insist she “can’t figure (them) out. I stated that I would call her when I got home and we could hang out the next day. She then begins begging. Literally, on her knees in her underwear, jeans halfway up her calves begging me to let her stay at my house for “a few days.” As if the thought of one night wasn’t enough, she wanted a FEW DAYS! I continue insisting that it’s a bad night. She then ups the anti with, “Please, we can do anything. ANYthing you want! We can have sex! ANYTHING!” I fervently deny the plea and insist I only wanted to hang out. So she adapts, “Ok. We can just talk. We don’t have to have sex. Please, just a few days.”

I insist once more that I really need to go and all that jazz, and this girl flips a switch. Out of nowhere, she gives me a look like she’s the human incarnation of Satan and I am St. Peter denying her access to heaven and says in the nastiest voice, “You’re just like the rest of them. A nothing. A no one. You’re worthless. Fucking worthless. You’re a piece of shit.” I took it as my cue, stood up, said “alright. thanks. was nice meeting you.” and got the fuck out. That was a fucking crazy night.”

-Anonymous